Spider Identification

I googled poisonous spiders to make sure I am not going to die in my sleep, and we could not stop laughing at the symptoms of the house spider:

House Spider-  the bite of the Black House Spider is poisonous but not lethal. Certain people bitten experience severe pain around the bite site, heavy sweating, muscular pains, vomiting, headaches and giddiness.

I do not think after being bitten by a spider I would feel giddy! 

Hobo Spider- The bitten site will turn angry red, and a welt like blister will form. Weakness, fatigue, headache, and vision loss are all common side affects of a hobo bite.

I am almost certain I got bit on my thigh. I have every single one of those side effects today, and we are lucky I am still here. I even have the red welt on me. (according to the identifier chart, these are the spiders in my room...)

The Mouse Spider- Known to cause severe illness. Non aggressive, but will attack if provoked. It has long painful fangs, that will stick inside you if bitten. 

You can all thank me for keeping you safe and alert. Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any symptoms felt while looking at these pictures...